REDEFINING SUCCESS: The Question That Changes Everything

Let me begin with a story—a story about life, regret, and the truths we often ignore until it’s almost too late.

Sandra M., my close friend and a nurse in palliative care, spent years with patients in their final weeks of life. These were people no longer chasing promotions or fulfilling societal expectations; they were reflecting on their lives. Sandra noticed a profound pattern in their conversations. These patients rarely spoke of career accolades or material possessions. Instead, they reflected on their regrets, the most common being:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

One man’s story stood out—a successful businessman who, on paper, had it all: a stellar career, respect, and financial security. But as he lay on his deathbed, he revealed the life he had sacrificed for his version of success:

“I gave my entire life to a job that never made me happy. I always wanted to paint, to open a small antiquities shop filled with beautiful stories. But I didn’t let myself. I thought it was impractical. And now… it’s too late.”

Imagine the weight of that regret. His story is a mirror for us all. How often do we make choices that don’t align with our true desires, chasing societal definitions of success rather than our own?

So, let me ask you:

What does success mean to you?

Take a moment to reflect. Think of the moments that brought you the most joy, not the world’s idea of success, but your own.

The Inherited Script of Success

From a young age, we’re handed a script for success—a linear checklist:

1. Get good grades.

2. Get into a prestigious school.

3. Land a high-paying job.

4. Buy a house.

5. Retire comfortably.

Society tells us that if we check all the boxes, we’ll be happy. But how often do we pause to ask:

• Is this my script, or is it someone else’s?

• Does this align with what I truly value?

My recent client told me “I used to believe that success meant being the best—excelling in school, work, and life to make others proud. I climbed every ladder society put before me. But one night, sitting alone in my office surrounded by awards and accolades, I asked myself, “Is this it? Is this what I worked so hard for?”

The answer was painful: She wasn’t living her life. She was living someone else’s idea of success.

What about you? Which parts of your life feel like they belong to someone else’s script?

The Cost of Chasing the Wrong Dream

When we chase dreams that aren’t truly ours, the cost is immense—not just in time or effort, but in something deeper. We sacrifice joy, authenticity, and connection to ourselves.

Lucy Hale, a successful actress, once shared her story of fame and wealth. Despite achieving everything society promised would bring happiness, she felt empty. Her success wasn’t hers; it was built on meeting others’ expectations.

How often do we suppress our true dreams because they seem impractical or irresponsible?

Take a moment to reflect:

What is the dream you’ve been suppressing?

Write it down. Don’t filter it—just let it flow.

The Role of Struggle in True Success

Struggle is not the enemy of success—it’s the forge that shapes it.

Think about your life. The moments that defined you likely weren’t easy. They were the times you faced challenges, pushed through discomfort, and grew into a stronger, more authentic version of yourself.

I once hit a point where my carefully constructed life felt meaningless. In that struggle, I found clarity. I asked myself hard questions, like “What do I truly want?” That journey was messy and uncomfortable, but it was transformative.

Struggle isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign of growth.

Redefining Success: A New Blueprint

How do we break free from societal scripts and redefine success on our own terms?

1. Define Success for Yourself

Success isn’t a one-size-fits-all formula. It’s deeply personal. What brings you joy, fulfillment, and purpose?

A woman I know left a high-powered corporate job to become a potter. Her life might not look traditionally successful, but she’s never been happier.

Write down three things that define success for you—not for others, but for you.

2. Embrace the Journey

Success isn’t a destination. It’s found in the small, meaningful moments along the way—a kind word, a quiet walk, or the joy of creating something authentic.

3. Choose Fulfillment Over Perfection

Perfection is an illusion. Fulfillment comes from living authentically, aligning your actions with your values, and pursuing what makes you feel alive.

Redefine, Reclaim, Rise

Here’s my challenge to you:

• Redefine success on your terms.

• Reclaim the dreams you’ve suppressed.

• Rise into the life you were meant to live.

Success isn’t about wealth, status, or perfection. It’s about living authentically, embracing the journey, and daring to pursue what makes you come alive.

Ask yourself: Am I living my truth?

The answer could change everything.